You Must Disappoint Someone: Overcoming the Fear of Disappointing Others to Follow God's Call

You Must Disappoint Someone

Do you ever find yourself constantly saying yes to things you don't have the time or energy for, simply because you don't want to disappoint someone? Perhaps you say yes to attending social events, volunteering for a project, or taking on extra work, even when you know it will stretch you thin. It's a common struggle, but the root of the problem is often deeper than just wanting to make others happy.

Our Fear of Disappointing Others

At the heart of our tendency to overcommit is often a fear of disappointing others. We want to be seen as reliable, generous, and helpful, and we worry that saying no will make us seem selfish or uninterested. This fear can be so strong that we convince ourselves that we can handle more than we actually can, or that we'll just push through the exhaustion or stress.

But when we constantly say yes to everything, we end up sacrificing our own well-being and priorities. We become overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious, and we may even start to resent the people we're trying to please. It's a cycle that's hard to break, but it's one that we must face if we want to live a healthy, balanced life.

Our Need for Approval

Another factor that drives our fear of disappointing others is our need for approval. We want people to like us, to think well of us, and to praise us for our efforts. We believe that if we say no, we'll be letting people down, and they'll think less of us.

But seeking the approval of others is a dangerous game, because it's impossible to please everyone all the time. No matter how hard we try, there will always be someone who disagrees with us, criticizes us, or simply doesn't like us. If we base our actions on the fear of disappointing others, we'll end up living for their approval rather than for God's.

God's Call to Disappoint

So what does God have to say about our fear of disappointing others? Surprisingly, he actually calls us to disappoint people. In Galatians 1:10, Paul writes, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Paul recognizes that if he's more concerned with pleasing people than with pleasing God, he's not truly serving Christ. And throughout the Bible, we see countless examples of people who were willing to disappoint others in order to follow God's call.

For example, in Luke 9:57-62, Jesus encounters three people who express interest in following him. But each time, Jesus warns them of the cost of discipleship. One man says he'll follow Jesus wherever he goes, but Jesus tells him that "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Another man asks to first bury his father, but Jesus tells him to let the dead bury their own dead. And a third man says he'll follow Jesus but wants to say goodbye to his family first, to which Jesus replies, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

These are challenging words, but they remind us that following Christ often means disappointing others. It means putting God's priorities above our own desires, and even above the desires of those we love. It means being willing to say no to good things in order to say yes to God.

Learning to Say No

So how do we learn to say no when we're used to saying yes? Here are a few practical steps:

1. Identify Your Priorities

What are the most important things in your life? What are the things that you value above all else? These might include your relationship with God, your family, your health, or your job. Once you've identified these priorities, it will be easier to say no to things that don't align with them.

2. Practice Saying No

It can be helpful to practice saying no in low-stakes situations, such as turning down an invitation to a party or declining to take on a small task at work. This will help you build up the confidence and skill to say no when it really counts.

3. Be Honest

When you say no, be honest about why you're saying it. You don't have to give a detailed explanation, but simply saying something like, "I'm sorry, but I can't commit to that right now" or "I need to prioritize my family at the moment" can be enough.

4. Set Boundaries

It's important to set boundaries around your time and energy. This might mean limiting the number of social events you attend each week, delegating tasks at work, or carving out specific times for rest and self-care. When you have clear boundaries, it's easier to say no to things that don't fit within them.

The Freedom of Disappointing

Learning to say no and disappoint others can be a scary process, but it's also incredibly freeing. When we're no longer driven by the fear of disappointing others, we're able to live more fully and authentically. We're able to prioritize the things that matter most to us, and to follow God's call without hesitation.

And perhaps most importantly, when we disappoint others, we're reminded that our ultimate worth and approval come from God, not from people. As Paul writes in Galatians 1:10, "If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." When we're willing to disappoint others in order to serve Christ, we're able to experience the joy and peace that come from living in his will.

Conclusion

Learning to disappoint others is not an easy process, but it's a necessary one if we want to live a healthy, balanced life. We must be willing to face our fears and insecurities, and to trust that God's approval is more important than the approval of others. When we learn to say no and set boundaries, we're able to prioritize the things that matter most to us, and to live more fully and authentically. And when we disappoint others in order to follow God's call, we're able to experience the freedom and joy that come from living in his will.

So I leave you with this question: Who are you unwilling to disappoint? Is it your boss, your friends, your family, or even yourself? Take some time to reflect on this question, and ask God to give you the courage and wisdom to disappoint others when necessary, and to trust in his ultimate approval and love.