Why Difficult Friendships are Good for Your Faith and Character

Why Difficult Friendships are Good for You

As Christians, we are called to love one another, to bear each other's burdens, and to share life together. However, as much as we desire to have close and meaningful relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ, we often encounter difficult friendships that challenge our patience, compassion, and understanding. Euodia and Syntyche, for instance, had a strained and difficult enough relationship for the apostle Paul to remind them “to agree in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2).

It can be frustrating and discouraging to deal with people who seem to misunderstand us, hurt us, or simply rub us the wrong way. We may wonder why God allows such relationships to exist, or why we can't just have easy and harmonious friendships with everyone.

However, in this article, we will explore why difficult friendships are actually good for us, and how they can help us grow in our faith, character, and love for God and others.

1. Difficult friendships reveal our blind spots and weaknesses

When we interact with people who challenge us, we often find ourselves reacting in ways that surprise us or even embarrass us. We may become defensive, critical, judgmental, or passive-aggressive, without realizing it. We may also discover that we have certain triggers or buttons that get pushed by certain people or situations, causing us to overreact or shut down.

These reactions and triggers can be signs of deeper issues in our hearts that we need to address. For example, we may struggle with pride, envy, control, fear, or insecurity, which make it hard for us to love and serve others unconditionally. We may also have unrealistic expectations of others, or a lack of empathy and compassion for their struggles and weaknesses.

Difficult friendships can serve as a mirror that reflects our blind spots and weaknesses back to us, and invites us to humble ourselves, repent, and grow in grace. As Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

2. Difficult friendships teach us to love unconditionally

One of the greatest challenges of difficult friendships is learning to love people who don't seem to deserve it. We may feel hurt, offended, or even betrayed by them, and may struggle to forgive and reconcile with them. However, as Christians, we are called to love our enemies, to bless those who curse us, and to pray for those who mistreat us (Matthew 5:44).

This kind of love is not based on our feelings or the other person's worthiness, but on God's love for us and for them. It is a sacrificial, selfless love that seeks the other's good, even at the cost of our own comfort, pride, or reputation. It is the kind of love that Jesus showed us on the cross, when he prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34).

Difficult friendships give us an opportunity to practice this kind of love, to extend grace and mercy to those who may not deserve it, and to become more like Christ in our character and attitude. As 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

3. Difficult friendships deepen our dependence on God

When we face difficult friendships, we may feel helpless, overwhelmed, or frustrated. We may not know how to resolve the conflicts, how to communicate effectively, or how to change the other person's behavior. We may also feel like we are running out of patience, forgiveness, or compassion.

However, these challenges can also be an invitation to turn to God for help, wisdom, and strength. We can pray for the other person, asking God to heal their wounds, to soften their hearts, and to guide them in their walk with him. We can also pray for ourselves, asking God to give us the grace we need to love and serve the other person, to forgive them, and to seek their good.

As we depend on God in this way, we may discover that he is faithful to provide us with the resources and the perspective we need to navigate the difficulties of the friendship. We may also grow in our trust and intimacy with him, as we learn to surrender our own desires and expectations to his will and his purposes.

4. Difficult friendships foster empathy and compassion

When we are in a difficult friendship, it can be easy to focus on our own pain and frustration, and to overlook the other person's struggles and needs. However, if we take the time to listen to them, to understand their perspective, and to empathize with their struggles, we may discover that they are also hurting, confused, or lonely. We may also see that they have strengths and gifts that we can appreciate and learn from.

By cultivating empathy and compassion for the other person, we can not only improve the quality of the friendship, but also grow in our own character and maturity. We can become more humble, more patient, and more understanding of others. We can also become more effective in our witness to the world, as we model the love and grace of Christ to others.

5. Difficult friendships can lead to reconciliation and growth

While some difficult friendships may end in estrangement or brokenness, others may lead to reconciliation and growth. By persevering in the friendship, by seeking God's guidance and wisdom, and by humbling ourselves and repenting when necessary, we may be able to restore the relationship and deepen our connection with the other person.

Through this process, we may also discover areas of growth and transformation in our own lives. We may learn to communicate more clearly and compassionately, to set boundaries and expectations, to forgive and be forgiven, and to love more deeply and sacrificially. We may also discover new dimensions of God's grace and mercy, as we experience his power to heal and restore even the most broken relationships.

Conclusion

Difficult friendships are not easy, but they are good for us. They challenge us to grow in our faith, character, and love for God and others. They reveal our blind spots and weaknesses, teach us to love unconditionally, deepen our dependence on God, foster empathy and compassion, and can even lead to reconciliation and growth.

As we navigate these friendships, let us remember the words of Jesus in John 13:34-35: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

May we strive to love one another, even when it's hard, and may God use these difficult friendships to shape us into the image of Christ.