Wanted: A Spouse Willing to Embrace Suffering in a Christ-Centered Marriage

Wanted: A Spouse Willing to Suffer

Future husband wanted: A man who is compelled to live out the gospel in marriage through a willingness to embrace suffering.

You’ve probably heard of people creating a list of qualities they search for in a potential spouse. Kind, smart, funny, and attractive are characteristics people often rank at the top of their non-negotiables. But these lists usually miss one of the most important qualities in the life of one who follows God: a willingness to embrace suffering.

This is a radical call. Still, it’s critical if we want to pursue strong, Christ-centered marriages. Over the years, it has become even more important to me as I consider the possibility of being married someday.

Destined to Suffer Alone?

When I was a little girl, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that would significantly affect and limit me physically for the rest of my life. It wasn’t until I entered my twenties that I began to understand the potential impact this could have on my future marriage. Would I be destined to suffer alone?

As I searched the Scriptures, I discovered that suffering is not foreign to the Christian life. In fact, Jesus himself said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33, NIV). He didn't promise a life free from suffering, but he assured us that he has overcome the world and is with us in our trials.

Just as Jesus willingly embraced the suffering of the cross for the sake of our salvation, we too are called to embrace suffering in our relationships, including marriage. This doesn't mean seeking out pain or hardship, but rather having a willingness to endure and persevere through difficult seasons and challenges.

Living Out the Gospel in Marriage

Marriage is a reflection of the gospel, the love story between Christ and his bride, the church. In Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (NIV).

Just as Christ gave himself up for the church, husbands are called to sacrificially love their wives. This sacrificial love includes a willingness to suffer for the sake of their spouse's holiness and growth in Christ. It means laying down one's own desires, preferences, and comfort for the well-being and spiritual development of their partner.

Similarly, wives are called to submit to their husbands out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:22). This submission is not a sign of weakness or inferiority, but a choice to honor and respect one's husband as the head of the family. It involves supporting and encouraging him, even in times of difficulty or suffering.

Embracing Suffering Together

When two individuals who are committed to following God come together in marriage, they are called to embrace suffering together. This doesn't mean that every moment of married life will be filled with pain and hardship, but it does mean being prepared to face challenges and trials with a united front.

As the apostle Paul writes in Romans 5:3-5, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us" (NIV).

Suffering can actually produce perseverance, character, and hope in our lives and relationships. It refines us, strengthens our faith, and deepens our reliance on God. When both spouses have a shared commitment to embracing suffering, they can grow closer to each other and to God through the process.

A Call to Sacrificial Love

Choosing a spouse who is willing to embrace suffering is not an easy decision, but it is a crucial one. It requires looking beyond superficial qualities and seeking someone who is committed to living out the gospel in their daily life.

As we consider the future of our marriages, let us remember the example of Christ and his sacrificial love. Let us be willing to lay down our own desires and comforts for the sake of our spouse's spiritual well-being. Let us embrace suffering together, knowing that God is with us and that He can use our trials for His glory.

So, future spouse, are you willing to embrace suffering? Are you ready to walk this journey with me, hand in hand, as we pursue a Christ-centered marriage? Let us be partners in the gospel, committed to sacrificial love and willing to endure whatever challenges may come our way.