The Great Marriage-Wrecking Lie: Why Happiness Shouldn't Be Your Main Goal

A Great Marriage-Wrecking Lie

Marriage is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman, ordained by God, and intended to last a lifetime. It is a beautiful institution designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and his church (Ephesians 5:22-33).

However, in recent times, our societal expectations for marriage have undergone a radical transformation. The effects of this transformation have been felt even within the church. One of the most damaging lies that we have been sold is the idea that marriage is primarily about our happiness.

The Lie of Marital Happiness

We have been led to believe that we should pursue marriage because it will make us happy. We are told that our spouse is supposed to be our soulmate, our best friend, and the one who completes us. We are told that we should marry someone who makes us happy, who fulfills us, and who meets all our needs. We are told that we should expect our marriage to be a source of constant happiness and fulfillment.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with seeking happiness in marriage, the problem with this lie is that it places unrealistic expectations on our spouse and on our marriage. It places the burden of our happiness solely on our spouse, and it suggests that our happiness is the ultimate goal of marriage.

As a result, when our marriage fails to live up to our expectations, we become disillusioned, bitter, and resentful. We blame our spouse for our unhappiness, and we start looking for ways to escape the marriage, whether through divorce, infidelity, or emotional detachment.

Furthermore, this lie also leads us to view marriage as a disposable commodity. If our marriage fails to make us happy, we simply move on to the next person who we believe will make us happy. We view marriage as a means to an end, rather than as a lifelong commitment.

The Truth About Marriage

The truth is that marriage is not primarily about our happiness. Yes, marriage can be a source of joy and fulfillment, but it is not the ultimate goal of marriage. Rather, the ultimate goal of marriage is to glorify God.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul compares the relationship between a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and his church. He writes, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This is a radical call to sacrificial love. It is a call to lay down our lives for our spouse, just as Christ laid down his life for us.

This kind of love is not easy. It requires humility, selflessness, and a willingness to put our spouse’s needs above our own. It requires us to die to ourselves, to crucify our selfish desires, and to serve our spouse with joy and gladness.

Jesus himself said that “whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:43-44). This is the kind of love that we are called to in marriage. It is a love that seeks to serve, to bless, and to honor our spouse.

The Benefits of a God-Centered Marriage

When we view marriage as primarily about glorifying God, rather than about our own happiness, we experience a number of benefits.

1. A deeper intimacy with God

When we put God first in our marriage, we experience a deeper intimacy with him. Our relationship with God becomes the foundation of our marriage, and our love for our spouse flows out of our love for God. We learn to love our spouse with the same sacrificial love that Christ has for us.

2. A stronger marriage

When we view marriage as a covenant relationship between a man and a woman, ordained by God, and intended to last a lifetime, we are more committed to our spouse. We are willing to work through the hard times, to forgive each other, and to extend grace and mercy. Our marriage becomes a source of strength and stability, rather than a source of stress and instability.

3. A greater impact for the kingdom of God

When our marriage is centered on God, we have a greater impact for his kingdom. Our marriage becomes a testimony to the world of God’s love, grace, and power. We become a witness to our friends, family, and neighbors, of the transforming power of the gospel.

Conclusion

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God. It is an opportunity to reflect the relationship between Christ and his church. But we must resist the lie that marriage is primarily about our happiness. Instead, we must view marriage as a means to glorify God, to serve our spouse, and to impact the world for his kingdom.

When we do this, we experience a deeper intimacy with God, a stronger marriage, and a greater impact for his kingdom. So, let us lay down our lives for our spouse, just as Christ laid down his life for us, and let us seek to glorify God in our marriage.