Navigating the Confusion and Hazards of Dating: A Guide to Making Wise, Loving Decisions

Should We Get Married? A Guide to Dating Well

If you're anything like me, the pursuit of marriage has been one of the most confusing and spiritually hazardous journeys you've ever embarked on. I spent my teenage years jumping from one relationship to another, each one far too serious for my age and each one ending in heartache and pain. If you're in a similar situation, then this article is for you. I want to lay out a three-dimensional map that will guide you in making wiser, more loving decisions when it comes to dating and relationships.

The Confusion of Dating

Why is dating so confusing? Part of the reason is that our culture has blurred the lines between dating and marriage. We've been sold the lie that dating is just a precursor to marriage, and that if we're not actively pursuing marriage, then we're wasting our time. But the truth is that dating is an end in itself. It's a time for getting to know someone, for building a friendship, and for discerning whether or not this person is someone we could spend the rest of our lives with.

Another source of confusion is the pressure we feel to find "the one." We've been taught that there's only one person out there who's perfect for us, and that if we miss that person, then we're doomed to a life of loneliness and regret. But the truth is that there are many people out there who could be a good match for us. The key is to find someone who shares our values, our faith, and our vision for the future.

The Hazards of Dating

Why is dating spiritually hazardous? Part of the reason is that we often compromise our values and our faith in order to please someone else. We may be tempted to engage in sexual activity before marriage, to compromise our beliefs in order to get along with someone, or to overlook red flags that should be warning us to walk away.

Another hazard of dating is that we can become so focused on finding someone who meets our checklist of criteria that we miss out on the real person in front of us. We can become so fixated on finding someone who's tall, dark, and handsome (or whatever our preference may be) that we overlook someone who's kind, thoughtful, and deeply committed to their faith.

The Map for Dating Well

So, how do we navigate the confusion and hazards of dating? How do we make wise, loving decisions about relationships? Here are some guidelines:

1. Seek God First

The most important thing we can do when it comes to dating is to seek God first. We need to make sure that our relationship with him is healthy and strong, and that we're seeking his will for our lives. As Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

When we seek God first, we're able to view dating and relationships through the lens of his wisdom and his love. We're able to discern whether or not someone is a good match for us, and we're able to see beyond superficial qualities to the heart of the person.

2. Know Yourself

Before we can enter into a healthy relationship with someone else, we need to know ourselves. We need to be aware of our own strengths and weaknesses, our own values and beliefs, and our own vision for the future. This self-awareness will help us to choose a partner who complements us, rather than one who clashes with us.

3. Build a Friendship

One of the most important things we can do in dating is to build a friendship with the other person. This means getting to know them on a deeper level, sharing our hopes and dreams, and being vulnerable with one another. Friendship is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and it's what will sustain us through the ups and downs that come with any relationship.

4. Share Your Faith

If our faith is an important part of our lives, then we need to share that with our partner. We need to make sure that they share our values and beliefs, and that we're both committed to growing in our relationship with God. As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

5. Take Your Time

Finally, we need to take our time when it comes to dating. We need to resist the pressure to rush into a relationship or to make a decision before we're ready. We need to give ourselves the space to discern whether or not this person is someone we could spend the rest of our lives with. As Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Conclusion

Dating can be confusing and spiritually hazardous, but it doesn't have to be. By seeking God first, knowing ourselves, building a friendship, sharing our faith, and taking our time, we can make wise, loving decisions about relationships. Remember that dating is an end in itself, not just a precursor to marriage. And remember that there's not just one perfect person out there for us, but many people who could be a good match for us. May God guide us all in our journey towards healthy, loving relationships.