Loving Family Members Who Come Out: Navigating Faith and Relationships

When a Family Member Comes Out

The world is changing, and with it, our conversations about sex and sexuality. The letters LGBTQ+ are heard everywhere, and few parts of our society remain untouched. For many of us, these conversations are no longer limited to the public sphere; they have entered our homes and our families:

“Mom and Dad, I’m gay.”

“I think I’m transgender.”

“Grandma, why don’t other kids have two mommies?”

When these conversations come from our family members, they take on added weight and urgency. As Christians, we are called to submit to God’s holy law and to stand firm on the Bible’s clear teaching, but we are also called to love our family members and to seek their good.

How do we navigate these conversations and live out our faith when a loved one comes out as gay or transgender? In this article, we will explore the biblical teaching related to homosexuality and transgenderism, and offer practical insights for loving our family members while remaining faithful to God’s word.

The Biblical Teaching on Homosexuality

The Bible is clear in its teaching on homosexuality. In both the Old and New Testaments, homosexual behavior is described as sinful and contrary to God’s design for human sexuality.

Old Testament

The Old Testament describes homosexual behavior as an abomination and a detestable sin:

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22)

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

These verses make clear that homosexual behavior is not in line with God’s design for human sexuality and is considered sinful.

New Testament

The New Testament also speaks to the issue of homosexuality, with several passages describing homosexual behavior as sinful:

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. (Romans 1:26–27)

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9–10)

These verses make clear that homosexuality is not in line with God’s design for human sexuality and is considered sinful. They also suggest that, like other sins, homosexuality separates us from God and puts us in danger of eternal consequences.

The Biblical Teaching on Transgenderism

The Bible does not specifically address the issue of transgenderism, but its teachings on gender are clear. The Bible teaches that God created humans as male and female, and that gender is an essential part of our identity and our relationships with others.

Creation

The creation story in Genesis describes God creating humans as male and female:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

This verse makes clear that gender is not a social construct or a matter of personal preference, but an essential part of our identity as humans created in God’s image.

Gender Roles

The Bible also describes distinct gender roles for men and women. While men and women are equal in value and dignity, they have different roles and responsibilities in marriage and in the church:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (Ephesians 5:22–23)

Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. (1 Timothy 2:11–12)

These verses make clear that gender is not only a matter of biology, but also of roles and responsibilities.

Loving Our Family Members

When a family member comes out as gay or transgender, it can be difficult to know how to respond. On the one hand, we want to show them love and support; on the other hand, we want to remain faithful to God’s word and not condone sinful behavior.

Here are some practical insights for loving our family members while remaining faithful to God’s word:

Pray

Prayer is the foundation of our relationship with God and should be the foundation of our response to our family members. We should pray for wisdom, for the right words to say, and for the Holy Spirit to work in our family member’s heart. We should also pray for our own hearts, that we would have compassion and love for our family member even as we remain faithful to God’s word.

Listen

When a family member comes out, it can be tempting to immediately jump in with our own opinions and perspectives. But it is important to take the time to listen to our family member and to understand their perspective. We should ask questions, seek to understand their feelings and experiences, and listen with empathy and compassion.

Speak Truth in Love

While it is important to listen to our family member, it is also important to speak truth in love. We should share our biblical convictions with our family member, but we should do so in a way that is gentle, respectful, and compassionate. We should avoid language that is hurtful or judgmental, and instead speak the truth in love, seeking to build up rather than tear down.

Model Christian Love

As Christians, we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. This includes our family members, even when we disagree with their choices. We should model Christian love by showing kindness, patience, and understanding. We should also be willing to serve our family member in practical ways, such as helping them move or taking care of their children. By modeling Christian love, we can demonstrate the truth and beauty of the gospel to our family members.

Set Boundaries

While we should seek to love our family members, we also need to set boundaries when necessary. If a family member is engaging in behavior that is harmful to themselves or others, we may need to speak up and set limits on our relationship. This can be difficult, but it is important to remember that boundaries are a form of love, not rejection.

Stay Connected

Finally, it is important to stay connected with our family members, even when we disagree with their choices. We should continue to reach out to them, spend time with them, and show them love and support. We should also continue to pray for them and trust in God’s sovereignty in their lives.

Conclusion

When a family member comes out as gay or transgender, it can be difficult to know how to respond. As Christians, we are called to remain faithful to God’s word while also loving our family members and seeking their good. By praying, listening, speaking truth in love, modeling Christian love, setting boundaries when necessary, and staying connected, we can navigate these conversations with compassion and grace.

Ultimately, our hope is not in our own abilities or in the choices of our family members, but in the love and sovereignty of God. We can trust that he is at work in our lives and the lives of our family members, and that he will bring about his purposes in his own time and in his own way.

References

• Bible Gateway: https://www.biblegateway.com/


• Desiring God: https://www.desiringgod.org/


• The Gospel Coalition: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/