7 Ways to Comfort Someone Who is Grieving: A Guide for Christians

What to Say and Do for Someone Who is Grieving

When someone you know experiences the loss of a loved one, it can be challenging to know what to say or do. You want to offer comfort and support, but sometimes, the words we intend to be helpful can end up being hurtful.

It’s important to remember that grief is a complex and individual experience. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to comforting someone who is grieving. However, there are some general guidelines that can help you offer meaningful support to your loved one.

1. Just Show Up

One of the most helpful things you can do for someone who is grieving is simply to show up. It’s common for people to be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so they avoid the grieving person altogether. However, this can send the message that you don’t care about their loss or that you’re uncomfortable with their grief.

Instead, let your loved one know that you’re there for them. You don’t need to have all the right words or answers. Just being present and willing to listen can be incredibly comforting.

2. Listen More Than You Talk

When you’re with someone who is grieving, it’s important to let them lead the conversation. They may want to talk about their loved one, or they may want to talk about something completely unrelated to their loss. Whatever they choose to talk about, listen attentively and without judgment.

Avoid the temptation to offer unsolicited advice or to try to “fix” their grief. Grief is a process that can’t be rushed or fixed. Instead, focus on being a supportive presence and allowing your loved one to express their emotions however they need to.

3. Use Active Listening Skills

Active listening skills can be incredibly helpful when someone is grieving. This means giving your full attention to the person speaking and showing that you understand and empathize with what they’re saying.

You can demonstrate active listening by:

• Making eye contact with the person


• Nodding and using other non-verbal cues to show you’re listening


• Repeating back what the person has said to clarify your understanding


• Avoiding interrupting the person or trying to steer the conversation in a different direction

4. Offer Practical Help

Many people who are grieving appreciate practical help, such as:

• Preparing meals or bringing food over


• Offering to run errands or pick up groceries


• Helping with household chores


• Offering childcare or pet-sitting services


• Assisting with funeral arrangements or other logistics

When offering practical help, be specific about what you can do. Avoid saying things like, “Let me know if you need anything,” as this can put the burden on the grieving person to ask for help. Instead, offer specific ways you can assist, such as, “I’d be happy to come over and mow your lawn this weekend.”

5. Avoid Clichés and Platitudes

There are certain phrases that people often use when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. While these phrases may be well-intentioned, they can actually be hurtful or dismissive.

Avoid saying things like:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”


• “They’re in a better place now.”


• “At least they’re not suffering anymore.”


• “Time heals all wounds.”

These clichés can trivialize the person’s grief and make them feel like their pain is not valid.

6. Acknowledge Their Pain

It’s important to acknowledge the person’s pain and validate their feelings. You don’t need to have all the right words to do this. Simple statements like, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” can be powerful.

Remember that grief is a process, and it may take your loved one time to come to terms with their loss. Be patient and continue to offer your support in whatever way you can.

7. Pray for Them

Finally, prayer can be a powerful tool for offering comfort and support to someone who is grieving. Pray for your loved one, asking God to give them strength, comfort, and peace during this difficult time. You can also offer to pray with them if they’re comfortable with it.

Remember that prayer is not a substitute for practical support or active listening. However, it can be a meaningful way to show your love and support for your grieving friend or family member.

What the Bible Says About Grief

The Bible has much to say about grief and loss. Here are just a few verses that can offer comfort and hope to those who are grieving:

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

These verses remind us that God is with us in our grief and that he offers comfort and peace. They also encourage us to share the comfort we receive with others.

Conclusion

Grief is a difficult and complex experience, and it can be challenging to know how to comfort someone who is grieving. However, by showing up, listening actively, offering practical help, avoiding clichés, acknowledging their pain, and praying for them, you can offer meaningful support to your loved one.

Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient, kind, and compassionate, and offer your support in whatever way feels most authentic to you.

Finally, remember that God is with us in our grief and that he offers comfort and peace. Lean on him during this difficult time, and trust that he will guide you in offering comfort and support to those who are grieving.