5 Things Not to Say to Someone in the Hospital: Practical Advice for Supporting Loved Ones in their Time

5 Things Not to Say to Someone in the Hospital

“If one more person tells me to drink apple cider vinegar, I’m gonna lose it.”

I chuckled at first, but his hardened expression silenced me. He leaned forward with his tremulous hands against the hospital tray table, his face contorted in frustration.

“I’m serious,” he said. “I think people don’t know what to say, and they’re trying to help. But comments like that make things worse. Apple cider vinegar isn’t going to cure this.” With a sweep of his hand, he gestured to the oxygen tank, the silicone tubing snaking from his nose, and the inhalers piled atop his tray table.

His wheezing worsened. His air passages, inflamed and scarred with disease, seemed to tighten with each breath.

When we visit a friend or family member in the hospital, we want to offer words of comfort and encouragement. We want to show our love, support, and care. But we may not know what to say or how to say it. Sometimes, in our good intentions, we end up saying things that are unhelpful, insensitive, or even hurtful.

Here are five things not to say to someone in the hospital, and what we can say instead.

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

When someone is suffering, the last thing they want to hear is that their pain and hardship are part of some cosmic plan. This statement can come across as dismissive, trite, or even cruel. It implies that God is behind every bad thing that happens, and that the person’s suffering is somehow justified or necessary.

But the Bible doesn’t teach that everything happens for a reason in the sense that every event is predestined or ordained by God. Some things happen because of sin and evil in the world (Genesis 3; Romans 5:12). Some things happen because of human choices and actions (Galatians 6:7-8). Some things happen for no apparent reason at all (Luke 13:1-5).

Instead of saying “everything happens for a reason,” we can acknowledge the person’s pain and offer hope and comfort. We can say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not fair, and it’s not what God intended for his creation. But he is with you in your suffering, and he loves you deeply.”

2. “At least it’s not as bad as . . .”

Comparing someone’s suffering to someone else’s suffering doesn’t make the pain go away. It can actually make the person feel guilty or ashamed for feeling bad about their own situation. It can also minimize the severity of their illness or injury.

Instead of comparing, we can empathize. We can say, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or angry. What can I do to support you right now?”

3. “Have you tried . . .?”

Unless you’re a medical professional, it’s not helpful to offer unsolicited health advice to someone in the hospital. They have likely already received medical treatment, and suggesting alternative remedies can be confusing or dangerous.

Instead of offering unsolicited advice, we can offer practical help. We can say, “I’m here to help you with whatever you need. Do you need me to run errands for you, bring you a book or a puzzle, or just sit with you for a while?”

4. “You’re so strong.”

While it’s true that some people demonstrate remarkable courage and resilience in the face of illness or injury, it’s not helpful to put pressure on someone to be strong all the time. People who are sick or injured are allowed to feel weak, vulnerable, and scared. They are allowed to cry, to ask for help, and to express their emotions.

Instead of praising their strength, we can offer affirmation and validation. We can say, “It takes a lot of courage to face this. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. I’m here to support you no matter what.”

5. “Let me know if you need anything.”

While this statement comes from a place of kindness, it puts the burden on the person in the hospital to ask for help. They may not know what they need, or they may not want to impose on others. It’s better to offer specific help, and to follow through on our offers.

Instead of saying “let me know if you need anything,” we can offer concrete assistance. We can say, “I’m going to bring you a meal tomorrow. What would you like me to bring? Or, “I’m going to come over and do your laundry for you. What time works for you?”

Ministering to the Sick

Ministering to the ill allows us to love our neighbors during their moments of deep suffering and, in so doing, to reflect God’s mercy (Matthew 25:36, James 1:27).

Jesus himself ministered to the sick, healing the blind, the lame, the lepers, and those possessed by demons (Matthew 4:23-24, 9:35). He didn’t offer platitudes or empty words; he offered real, tangible help. He touched the untouchables, and he restored them to wholeness.

As his followers, we are called to do the same. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, to care for the weak and vulnerable, and to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ to those who are hurting.

Here are some practical ways we can minister to the sick:

1. Visit them in the hospital.

Simply being present with someone who is sick or injured can be a powerful act of love and support. We can listen to their fears and concerns, pray with them, and offer words of comfort. We can also bring them small gifts or tokens of our affection, such as flowers, a card, or a favorite book or movie.

2. Provide practical help.

People who are sick or injured may have difficulty performing everyday tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands. We can offer to help with these tasks, or we can arrange for others to help. We can also offer transportation to doctor’s appointments or physical therapy sessions.

3. Pray for them.

Prayer is a powerful tool for ministering to the sick. We can pray for physical healing, emotional comfort, and spiritual strength. We can also ask God to give them peace, hope, and joy in the midst of their suffering.

4. Care for their caregivers.

People who care for the sick or injured often experience their own physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. We can offer support and encouragement to these caregivers, by providing meals, offering respite care, or simply listening to their struggles.

Ministering to the sick can be challenging, but it is also deeply rewarding. When we love our neighbors in their time of need, we reflect the love and mercy of Christ to a hurting world. We become agents of healing and hope, bringing light into the darkness.

Conclusion

When we visit someone in the hospital, we have the opportunity to minister to them in a powerful way. We can offer comfort, support, and hope, and we can reflect the love and mercy of Christ in tangible ways. But we must be careful not to say things that are unhelpful, insensitive, or hurtful. We must remember that our words matter, and that they can either build up or tear down.

Instead of offering platitudes, comparisons, unsolicited advice, or empty offers of help, we can offer empathy, affirmation, practical assistance, and specific offers of help. We can pray for the person, care for their caregivers, and be present with them in their suffering. And we can trust that God is with us in our ministry, giving us the strength, wisdom, and compassion we need to love our neighbors well.